UC Berkeley Doles Out Justice

Looking to respond simultaneously to student complaints about the horrible lack of variety in campus dining facilities, and to student concerns about the lack of justice in official UC policies, the UC Berkeley administration has announced the implementation of a new menu item, called “Justice”, which debuted yesterday at the Golden Bear Cafe. There has been some discord among students regarding the addition, with one student commenting, “Ah, the sweet taste of justice, which my soul has longed for!”, and another angrily shouting at a nearby chef, “You call _ this _ justice?”

On the whole, however, reaction to the change has been energetic, with long lines of students seeking justice running all the way out the east door at times. Towards the back of the line, conditions can be harsh. “There has been no justice for my people,” remarked one junior, after he and his friends joined the back of the line, just barely able to hear justice being served inside the restaurant.

In related news, one student, who accidentally spilled his portion, referred to the gaffe as “A miscarriage of justice.” Fellow GBC patrons quickly beat him to death.