Berkeley Students Fighting For a Department of Pornography By Any Means Necessary is planning a sit-in on Sproul Plaza next week, says President Arthur Roerbacher. The group has been waging war with campus administrators and the Board of Regents for over a year in their struggle to establish a Department of Pornography. Such a department would be the first of its kind at any college or university in the United States.
Roerbacher, a junior majoring in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science, said that the administration is culturally intolerant and insensitive to diversity.
“This administration has clitorically superimposed its declaration of venereality upon the docents of the university,” Roerbacher said. “We are demanding ejaculation now, vis-a-vis the labial vestibular curriculum of the current regime. The rectal lubrication insofar as Seymour Butts is concerned is a legitimate procedure directed to induce the vesticular self-awareness that higher education shall nobly advance. But vaginal invectives directed towards post-menstruation will not be construed as an apophellation of erudition. We want a Department of Pornography by any means necessary.”
Administrators defended their refusal to create a Department of Pornography by citing a lack of funds and alleging that a curriculum consisting solely of pornography is inappropriate. Chancellor Berdahl has commented that, while he can sympathize with the students and would like to someday establish a minor in Wendy Whoppers Hardcore XXX Studies, the university simply does not have the funds to recruit new faculty.
A sit-in is going to be held Wednesday at 1 p.m. on the steps of Sproul Hall. All students are welcome. Hustler magazines and lubrication will be provided.