Calprig Strikes Deal with Hockey Team

In another maniacal protest for the environment, a member of CalPIRG brutally attacked and wounded, several members of the Cal Ice Hockey Team last week.

Trying desperately to get students to attend their games, all four members of the ice hockey team were passing out small fliers at Sather Gate when Sophomore Erin Wilcox started screeching loudly about the amount of paper they were wasting. Not having the slightest clue as to what she was talking about, the hockey players started to cry and yell for time out when Wilcox began her assault.

A disinterested and apathetic crowd gathered around the fight, but sat around and did nothing, as Cal students nowadays are apt to do.

“We have an ice hockey team?” asked sophomore Ariel Beliak, expressing the general sentiment of the crowd.

The ice hockey team sustained only minor injuries, including three black eyes and two bloody noses.

Charges against Wilcox have been dropped, providing she can get the nameless, faceless masses of CalPIRG automatons to attend the remaining games of the season.