EECS Incident

Yesterday, it was announced during a press conference at Cory Hall that the Gilette Corporation will pledge $100 million dollars worth of Right Guard and other toiletries to the college of Electrical Engineering and Computer Science. The announcement came unexpectedly, but it is widely believed that a mishap which occurred in April between three Korean dignitaries and Dean Clancy of EECS prompted the grant. Last April, Dean Clancy of EECS took three members of the Korean parliament on a tour of Soda Hall. The tour was going fine until the group went into the basement of Soda, where the dignitaries promptly vomited their lunch because of the intense smell of body odor, urine, and bad breath. Said Clancy, “The basement of Soda Hall last year smelled like Rick Starr’s under-A!wear, only worse.” In addition to that widely publicized incident, in August there was a protest on Sproul of several hundred students to decry the smell of Berkeley engineers in general. In her speech, Rachel Gilligan, the leader of the protest, emotionally gave testimony of her own experiences at Soda Hall. “Like, last Fall when I was a Freshperson, I got lost on Northside one day looking for Evans Hall, I accidentally stepped into Soda Hall and went downstairs to take a look. Little did I know what was down there. It smelled like Rick Starr’s underwear, only worse. It made me vomit.”

However, there is already controversy surrounding the grant. Explains Dean Clancy, “Ok, so we got all this deodorant and shaving equipment now. So-fricking-what? What I want to know is how we are going to get this stuff on the engineers. Whenever I ask an engineer in Soda, “Why do you smell like Rick Starr’s underwear, only worse?”, they always give me some story about being allergic to deodorant or not having enough time to shower. Like I always say, you can lead a mouse to a window but you can’t always make the mouse click on the window.”