Dental Damnation

Clinton’s latest nominee for the cabinet office of Surgeon Dentist, Irwin Needleman, failed to be confirmed by the Senate after a rigorous five- day schedule of Confirmation hearings. Scandal erupted on the second day when it was discovered that Dr. Needleman, D.D.S., had performed 39 root canals at his Dubuque, Illinois, office. While being escorted down the steps of the Senate, Doctor Needleman was pelted with tongue depressors while Operation Listerine supporters chanted, “God holds all teeth precious!” Doctor Needleman in an impassioned speech to the press declared, “We can’t go back to the dark ages, before Crest v. Wade. Do we want people getting septic gums from back-alley coat hanger filling operations?”