Caught wind that some of you felt the last issue wasn’t “harsh enough.” Kudos to each and every one of you. All too many times my ideas and expressions get quashed because one or two of the editors can’t stomach them. Some of my fellow editors feel the need to apologize on my behalf to those editors who have left the room in disgust, reinforcing this behavior. And issue after issue ends up “not harsh enough.” It’s good to know that there are people out there who don’t shrink from reality. They aren’t sick, and I’m not sick. I only speak the truth. I did get a hard-on that day at the nutritionist’s. When I poked my finger into the seam in between the block of fake jello and the cup that held it, it did feel like a clitoris, a slightly dry clitoris, but one nevertheless. Yes, I admit that maybe this was an inappropriate thing to remember out loud in the Chinese restaurant. But I’m certain those little kids will be OK after mommy and daddy explain what the bad man said …
To you Deadheads out there, on shows: the thought of taking hallucinogens with 20,000 people who haven’t bathed since Spring equinox and want to spin with you while really really really bad music (sorry Jon) is being played does not appeal to normal human beings. I think if I got to bring a fully loaded AK-47 and several frag grenades to the show with me I could have a good time, but until then, ixnay on the eadshowday . . . Thought for the day: if Jesus loves you, why won’t he swallow?
Remember that first tryst with Telebears? You’d listen, shaking in the anticipation of each message’s end, frightened you’d miss any of the instructions. Ever so carefully, sometimes after triple and quadruple checking the class entry codes, times, and exam groups, you’d punch the digits on your phone that soon brought you joy or pain. Two or three semesters later, it’s hurry the fuck up bitch as you press your ID #, personal access code, and the class entry code all within a four second span. You chuckle to yourself when you hear that asshole who tells you how much your parents owe the Regents get interrupted . . . Bumpersticker of the month: Fuck animals, Don’t Eat Them (seen on a burgundy Minivan) …
From the Ahn files: it’s all true, height is everything. She shares a prime tidbit with us: tall men tend to have tiny penises while short men tend to haul a king-size sausage. Now how many do you have to go through to discover that? And what about medium-sized men?
If you like porno like yours truly does, go out of your way to see “Above the Rim,” just out on video cassette. Also noteworthy, the latest installment of Giovanni Rostoglio’s Shakespeare series, “As You Lick It…” A Proposition that’s not on the ballot but should be would provide Universal Costco/PriceClub card coverage, so that all of us could buy cases of Henry’s for nine & half bucks and those halogen Torchiere lamps.
