Top Ten Things Daily Cal Reporters do the Other 5 days

  1. Come up with flattering ways to describe most recent Cal football loss.
  2. Invent goofy personals ads.
  3. Laugh about Josh’s hair.
  4. Try to find humor in NO EXIT cartoon.
  5. Go back to their regular jobs at “Hooked on Phonics”.
  6. Practice showing their ID to get into Eshleman Hall.
  7. Masturbate.
  8. Send top investigative reporters to cover breaking events at Berkeley High.
  9. Stuff Discover Card inserts into 100,000 newspapers.
  10. Participate in sacrificial rites sponsored by Students for the Truth