Constructive nihilism
destroying things in a good cause
karma
what goes around, comes around
atheism
eternal damnation
original sin
your parents screwed around, so you’re screwed up
predestination
damned if you do, damned if you don’t, so go get drunk on the weekends
Calvinism
couldn’t tell you, I slept through this part of class
Lutheranism
Ditto
Protestantism
the sworn enemy of Catholicism
Catholicism
the sworn enemy of Protestantism
evolution
man evolved from lower lifeforms
fundamentalists
people who are lower lifeforms
scientific infallibility
we’re right until we say we’re wrong
political correctness
not being able to call fat loudmouths “water buffaloes”
platonic love
your girlfriend dumped you and wants to be friends
“friends”
a way to dump your boyfriend and walk away with a clean conscience
romantic idealist
a naive freshman girl who will not be one by next year
love
stick with lust. It’s better for your health
the regents
bloodsucking power hungry scum
work
a four letter word
faith
out of stock. Check back next year
good
all ethical systems are artificial constructs, anyway
God
God is dead
evil
your roommate
Satan
see above
Elvis
Alive and well at a McDonald’s near you
Meat Loaf
a really great rock and roll artist. Also, a really bad cafeteria entree.
Zen
anything that I don’t know what I’m talking about
