Volume 1- Issue 1 Top Ten Most Important Qualifications for Tenure March 1, 1991 top ten Will assist colleagues in Big Game brawls Can handle a bullwhip Will pay for pizza during tenure hearing Can consistently bowl over 160 Isn’t scared to speak out and agree with everyone else on any issue Won’t guzzle beer from faculty club keg Can do secret handshake Hasn’t written any comprehensible books recently Won’t have sex with students that deans are dating Can use meaningless latin phrases effortlessly
