Power Assignment Meeting
Captain Planet: So we’ve got the four main elements covered and assigned to the proper ethnic stereotype, but what is it that Indians do again?
Gaia: Dot Indian or Feather Indian?
Captain Planet: Umm, dot, I guess.
Gaia: Oh, they can hold their breath forever.
Captain Planet: Really? Every Indian?
Gaia: Yup.
Power Assignment Meeting (continued)
Gaia: Let’s see, we’ve got an American, an African, a Russian, an Asian, and a Latino GAA
Captain Planet: Whoa, whoa, wait a sec, we can’t have two Latinos on the same team!
Gaia: But who’s the other GAA
Captain Planet: …
Gaia: …
Captain Planet: Look over there! [Returns as energy into the rings]
Break Room
Wheeler: My ring controls the power of fire. What does yours do?
Ma-ti: Well, so far I’ve found that animals will generally do my bidding.
[Goat enters]
Wheeler: Really? So, like, for example, you could make that goat sit still for two to three minutes?
Ma-ti: Sure, I guess.
Wheeler: [Unzips pants] Great! Do it or I burn you.
On the Job
Looten Plunder: I’m going to get you, do-gooder!
Ma-ti: Power of Heart, soothe my enemies!
Looten Plunder: …
Ma-ti: Wait…shit…you aren’t an animal, are you?
Looten Plunder: No, I’m from Reno…
Ma-ti: Oh, this is awkward.
Looten Plunder: So…I’m gonna mess you up now…
Ma-ti: [Sighs]
With the Boss
Ma-ti: I mean, come on, Gaia! Heart? What the fuck!!
Gaia: Well, I’m voiced by Whoopi Goldberg. How do you think that makes me feel?
Ma-ti: Fat?
Gaia: RWWWAAAARRRRR!
[They fight]
Ma-ti: Power of Heart, kill the career!
Gaia: YOU CAN’T KILL WHAT IS ALREADY DEAD!
After Hours
Captain Planet: Ma-ti geta GAA get obver herre GAA
Ma-ti: Captain, you’re drunk again.
Captain Planet: Did I evvver tell you shhh…did I evurr tell you that…
Ma-ti: Did you ever tell me what, Captain?
Captain Planet: C’mere shhhhh…didja know I’ma He-She?
Ma-ti: Ah, that explains the unitard GAA
Captain Planet: Annnd I go down on myself.
Ma-ti: What?!?
Captain Planet: What?!?
