Study: Cup-Shaking Not Marketable Skill

An extensive study released Thursday by the UC Berkeley Business Administration Graduate Research Division reveals that cup shaking is in fact not a marketable skill.

Further, the researchers concluded, as a non-marketable skill, cup shaking thus does not warrant financial compensation. Other non-marketable skills delineated in the study include sitting on the sidewalk, writing on cardboard with a black SharpeeGA$A3, or repeating, “spare change” at passersby.

“Nowhere in the history of man has a person been given a wage or salary for merely shaking a cup or owning a diseased pit bull,” said professor Martin Wiley, director of the study. “Additionally, although selling Street Spirit does provide an alternative news source, we have concluded that providing a vehicle for disseminating People’s Park Peter’s poetry also is not a marketable skill, being only slightly more useful than dropping copies of USA Today off in front of the rooms at the Tuscaloosa Motel 6.”

Further analysis revealed that drawing on concrete with colored chalk, holding a stack of outdated newspapers, and blowing my mind, do not constitute desirable goods or services.