Tang Information Lady Not a Grandma

When Berkeley sophomore Billy Williams showed up for his 10:15 AM appointment at the Tang Center for “strange fungal growths” on Tuesday, he was shocked to be greeted at the front desk by a young, attractive woman.

“I don’t get it,” said the befuddled Higgins, while waiting in the pharmacy line afterward. “Every time I’ve ever been to the Tang Center, the information lady at the front desk is always a nice old lady. I feel comfortable asking her where my stupid appointment is because she’s old, and wise — kinda like my grandma. In fact, I’ll bet she makes cookies really well too, just like Grammie does.”

As the day progressed, it became apparent that the younger attractive woman was causing problems for other male patients as well.

“She looks like my grandma in those black and white photos from fifty years ago, but not my grandma today — unless she had a lot of plastic surgery, or went back in a time machine, and then emerged again from that time machine as a younger woman,” said junior Joe Wyoming. “But if this young attractive lady was my grandma, then she would have had to had my Mom at age two, and then my Mom would have had me at age three, and I’m almost certain it didn’t happen that way.”

Asked to comment on why she wasn’t more like a grandma, 24-year-old Beverly Glenn simply stated: “I don’t care what the guys think. Most of them have fungal growths anyway.”