“Crane for a Day” Winner Selected

In a coincidental series of events that should haunt University officials in the coming weeks, the winner of UC Berkeley’s “Northside Construction Crane Operator For A Day” Contest was announced yesterday, and was identified as Tommy “Rainbow Love” Smith, a longtime Berkeley activist. Though students were asked to place a copy of their student IDs in a barrel located in Sproul Hall for the drawing, Rainbow Love, who has not attended the university since 1972, was apparently still eligible by writing his name on the bottom of an empty Blondie’s box and somehow fitting it into the 1/2 inch slot. “The university may think this is a token title,” said Rainbow Love of the contest “but I plan to enact some changes. If they expect me to just sit in a 70 ton tool of destruction in the middle of the oppressive Berkeley campus and just smile and wave for photos, then I’d say they’re about to get seriously fucked in the ass.” University administrators were unavailable for a response.