ASUC Declares War on South Africa

Jan. 10, 1991. After six minutes of fierce debate, the ASUC senate voted unanimously last week to declare war on South Africa. Citing Apartheid and other human rights violations, the senate appropriated its remaining budget of $719 to “wage war until finals come up.” ASUC President, Bonaparte Liu, told reporters that he had recently sent threatening postcards to President De Klerk and all senators had been busy booking student-fare flights to Johannesburg. He further proclaimed that all freshmen have until next week to sign up for the draft at Golden Bear Center. Unconfirmed reports state that the entire ROTC dept. has recently fled to Canada.