AirBART Bus Driver Application
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The Robots & Dinosaurs & Race Cars Club
Lorenza Elementary School Chapter, 3/24/01
Club president Stewart Hamlin brought the meeting to order at approximately 3:20pm, leading the assembly in the RDRC Club anthem. The rendition, while technically competent, was lacking that certain special RDRC pizzazz, and it left this Secretary Supreme less than … Read More
Plea of “No Sprouts” Unheeded by Mustachioed Devil-Bitch
Cafe Intermezzo customer Jerome Hill, who really doesn’t deserve this kind of abuse, ordered a sandwich & salad combo today, specifically asking for any and all sprouts to be omitted from both components of his otherwise standard order.
“No sprouts … Read More
Penguin Publishing
Dear Mr. Shakespeare…
Dear Mr. Shakespeare,
Our reviewer has gone over your recent submission, The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. While we feel the work shows great ambition and promise, we regret that we cannot publish it at this time. Enclosed, please … Read More
Monticello!
When Thomas Jefferson’s white descendants and black descendants live together in Monticello, be prepared for life, liberty, and the pursuit of wackiness! Coming this summer, on the WB!
SCENE 1
INT. COURTROOM
JUDGE : After reviewing both parties’ claims to … Read More
Pillsbury Announces Release of “Ready to Eat” Cookies
Pillsbury announced the release of new “Ready to Eat” Cookies this week, the latest product in the company’s successful “Baking for Retards” product line. Unlike previous products such as “Ready to Bake” cookies, which consist or small cubes of dough … Read More
Local Student “Almost Definitely” Leaving Apartment Tomorrow
After nearly 84 consecutive hours spent within the walls of his apartment, student John Patterson will be venturing outside tomorrow, probably. Speaking from his living room couch, behind a haphazard pile of empty soda cans, pizza boxes, and half-eaten packages … Read More
Protestors Frustrated by Police Civility
A large group of organized protestors who had blocked access to a major campus building yesterday found themselves all but ignored by friendly UC police officers. The protest continued well into the night, until protestors got kind of bored, decided … Read More
“Productive” Weekend Actually Weekend of Video Games, Porn
Despite a repeatedly stated intention to use the upcoming weekend to “catch up on reading and finally clean up around the apartment,” Berkeley student Edward Linney in fact spent the majority of the weekend playing Tokyo Extreme Racer on his … Read More
Words from the Top
Oh, All Right … Sing It
Summer approaches, and with it, the end of yet another semester. Some may graduate, some may travel, some may seize the break in classes as the perfect time to give up and drop out. More than any other, this is … Read More
