Squelch Co. Travel
Bakersfield Mystery Spot
If you’re just drivin’ so fucking fast and you want to RELAX I got the place for you, man. Whether you’re a trucker or just an unemployed former trucker you should come on down to The … Read More
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FabulousQuest
You find yourself in front of a large, ancient castle.Rain pours in sheets all around you, and a flash of lightning reveals a lever that appears to be hooked up to the castle’s door.
… Read Morepull lever
Oaks Saved From Themselves
In an emotional and heartfelt conclusion to the months-old controversy, the oak trees surrounding Memorial Stadium were saved from their own self-destructive patterns of behavior Saturday.
“It was a hard time for all of us,” said… Read More
Gypsy Professors
**Economics
**
Professor: Who here can tell me the market value of this broken fiddle?
Student: (raising hand) Three to five baubles, or two and a half to four trinkets, depending on exchange rates.
Professor:… Read More
From the files of… the Gatorade Sports Science Institute
Gatorade, the greatest sports drink ever drunk, was developed by the University of Florida in order to provide something to say about the University of Florida during lulls in conversation. Since that time, Gatorade has refused to rest … Read More
Consumer Reports: Your Future
Congratulations on graduating, and welcome to the exciting world of adulthood. The following reviews are meant to help you, the idiot, choose your future wisely.
Graduate School
Because life doesn’t begin at conception, it begins at 29!… Read More
Is America Ready for a Different Kind of President?
The upcoming presidential campaign will change everyone’s perceptions about just what kind of white Christian male we will let lead our country. What kind of questions should we be asking about this new breed of politician?
Candidate… Read More
English Language Snaps, Mauls Professor
Tragedy struck 225 Wheeler today as the English language was finally pushed to the breaking point.
“It started as just a normal class,” sobbed junior Erica Lavery. “Professor Browning started by discussing the concept of suspension of disbelief … Read More
Urban Outfitters to Incorporate Urban Blight
Popular fashion boutique Urban Outfitters, long known for its trendy line of street-wise clothing, shocked fashion connoisseurs and law enforcement officials alike yesterday when it revealed its intent to stock malt liquor, contraband narcotics, and firearms. “We at… Read More
Ahmadinejad Calls for Gay Immigration to Iran
Blasted for his recent assertion that “in Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad attempted to clarify the nature of his comments in a press conference on Tuesday.
“It was a cry … Read More
