A recent poll by the California Department of Mental Health show many Californians believe that they represent the future of man-kind. In fact, more than 30 percent of those polled were surprised by their lack of superhuman powers such as flight and telekinesis.
“The reason we’re better than everybody else,” said Neil Everett, assistant manager of Chipotle Mexican Grill and native Californian, “is because, like, we’re more forward thinking than most states. We believe in equal rights and legalizing pot. We’re like the X-men, loved and hated by the rest of humanity.”
Local experts agree that a combination of ethnic mixing, natural environment, and low levels of gamma radiation may be contributing to improvements within the California genome.
“I’m just excited to see what ability surfaces first,” said California Governor Jerry Brown, as he repeatedly flung his arms around in an attempt to levitate.
A similar California Department of Mental Health Poll questioned over 2,000 Americans living outside of California. Over 85% of those polled held the opinion that Californians can go fuck themselves.
