NASA Streamlines Operations
Matt Holohan, ANAS, Vol. 9 Iss. 3
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In the wake of two horrific and costly failures involving the exploration of Mars, NASA officials have announced plans to increase the administration's efficiency by reducing certain intermediary steps in its operations. NASA scientist Hal Melina summed up the plan for reporters earlier this week:

"Rather than spend a lot of taxpayer money and then disappoint them by fucking up all the time," Melina explained, "We're going to cut out a few steps. From now on, all NASA projects will involve the launching of giant trash bags full of hundred dollar bills directly into outer space."

Melina went on to claim that this plan would allow NASA to continue to siphon funds away from legitimate scientific endeavors, such as developing alternative energy sources and creating treatments for life-threatening diseases, as well as maintain NASA's tradition of "wicked cool launches with lots of smoke and fire and shit."

The first launch in the "Hundred Dalla Bills, Y'all" series is scheduled for April 2nd of this year.

Top Ten Signs Your Tech Support is a Dominatrix
  1. Calls ctrl-alt-del the safety word
  2. Asks you to call her Mistress Susan because Mistress Siddhangana is too hard to pronounce
  3. Claims computer lacks discipline
  4. Isn't Indian
  5. Asks you if the printer is plugged in then shits on your chest
  6. The way she pronounces hard drive
  7. Tells you to bend over and gives you RAM
  8. A lot of instructions involve pouring hot wax on yourself
  9. You ask to speak to her supervisor and she digs her heel into your scrotum
  10. Hard to give service number while wearing ball gag
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