With his momentum skyrocketing and the March 4th primaries on the horizon, deranged white males eager to have a crack at America’s first black president have thrown their support behind Barack Obama. Speaking from a hand-built log cabin, bearded group spokesman Eugene Douglas fielded questions from reporters. “We’re thrilled to have this monumental opportunity. We see an America ready to move past its old cultural divisions. Only by crushing the symbol of this new hope can we re-establish our proud, fearful, and racist heritage. That is why we are supporting Barack Obama.” Added Douglas, “THE JEWS ARE LIZARD PEOPLE! KEEBLER ELVES PUT A CHIP IN MY HEAD! 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB! WRAAAAAGH.”

When asked for comment on the endorsement, Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton replied, “This election is not about old versus young, rich versus poor...nor is it about a brilliant black politician versus a group of inbred, rifle-clutching homeschoolers decoding secret messages they believe Jesus hid inside ‘Catcher in the Rye’...our campaign welcomes the support of every American.”