New Meeting Room!

Scene 1

Frightened Man: [waking up] What ... what's going on? What is this!?
Saw: This is the game.
FM: Where are my glasses, I can't see!
Saw: These are the rules. In the center of the room is a chair. Underneath the chair, I have placed your glasses. You must wait in this room for ten hours.

Blasted for his recent assertion that “in Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad attempted to clarify the nature of his comments in a press conference on Tuesday.

“It was a cry for help!” he sobbed. “Please give us gay people!”

Ahmadinejad then proceeded to enumerate the reasons why his country is suffering from its dearth of boys who like boys.

During an emergency meeting on Tuesday, the members of the Berkeley chapter of the Sixties Counter-Cultural Preservation Society announced a hike in the price of unrestrained sexual experimentation.

“It’s to be expected, man,” said red-eyed hippie economist Alfred Thundermoth, nodding sagely and stroking his yellowing beard. “Just look at the fluctuating lines on this graph of Birkenstock Prices that I just drew on the back of a napkin.

The Palestinian nationalist group Hamas recently announced that their January breach of the Egyptian border at Gaza was not for “food” and “supplies,” but instead for the lamp containing the Genie from Disney’s Aladdin. After a pitched battle with Egyptian soldiers bearing Kalashnikovs and scimitars, Hamas managed to obtain the lamp and carry it deep into their own territory.